His Power in Our Weakness

Good morning‚ėēūüĆÖ.
I know we are to run our race. I know we are here to have victory. I know we trust and believe all things work together for our good (Romans 8:28) and no weapon formed against us shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17).

But, I am reminded of (2 Corinthians 12: 5 -10.) That everyday his power works best in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9.)
See many Christians struggle with unforeseen strongholds and we pray for healing and that is exactly what we should be doing.

But, sometimes certain situations are out of our control and deliverance is just not in the plan for us at this time.
But, you know what we gotta tell ourselves?? That his grace is sufficient for us. (2 Corinthians 12:9.)
That we are strong because his power is made perfect in and through us!!
That we don’t boast in ourselves.
That we need to boast in him.
That our weaknesses does not make you inadequateūüíĮ Be blessed!!
#mentallyspeaking #thoughtsfortoday

Cool Mood Trackers!!

„ÄäFound on Pinterest„Äč

Trauma in the Brain

There are three main parts of the brain which are greatly affected by experiences severe or chronic traumatic events.

Hippocampus
The hippocampus processes trauma memories, by recycling the memory, mostly at night via dreams, which takes place over weeks or months. It then transfers the integrated stored memory to another part of the brain. High levels of stress hormones causes the hippocampus to shrink or under-develop, resulting in impaired function. Childhood traumas exaggerates this effect. The trauma memory therefore remains unprocessed in the hippocampus, disintegrated, fragmented, and feels “current” rather than in the past. Some people can be born with a smaller hippocampus making them more vulnerable to develop PTSD.

Amygdala
The brains “fear center.” The amygdala helps to store memories, paticularly emotions and physical sensations. It also controls activation of stress hormones … the body’s flight or fight response. In PTSD, the amygdala becomes over-reactive causing frequent or near constant high levels of stress hormones.

Pre-frontal Cortex
The pre-frontal cortex helps us to asses threats, manage emotion, plan reaponses, and control impulses. It is the centre of rational thinking. Childhood trauma causes under-development of the pre-frontal cortex, which results in impaired ability to assess theeat through thinking, manage emotions and control impulses.

THERAPY NOTES #1

Everything you do is based on the choices you make. Its not your parents. Its not your past. Its not your past relationships. Its not your job, the economy. the weather. Or an argument of your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period.

All Negativity is an accumulation of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry-all forms of fear, are caused by too much future and not enough present.
Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness. bitterness- all forms of nonforgiveness, are caused by too much past and not enough present.
Eckhart Tolle

Distorted Thinking:
Black and white thinking, exaggerating, filtering, catastrophizing, judging, mind reading, forecasting, feelings as facts, labeling, self-blaming, hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness.

Untwist Your Thinking (10)

  1. ¬†Identify the Distortion: Write down your negative thoughts so you can see which of the ten cognitive distortions you’re involved in. This will make it easier to think about the problem in a more positive and realistic way.
  2. Examine the evidence: Instead of assuming that your negative thought it true, examine the actual evidence for it. For example, if you feel that you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully.
  3.  The Double Standard Method: Instead of putting yourself down in a harsh, condemning way, talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you would talk to a friend with a similar problem.
  4. ¬†The Experimental Technique: Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought. For example, if, during an episode of panic, you become terrified that you’re about to die of a heart attack, you could jog or rum up and down several flights of stairs. This will prove that your heart is healthy and strong.
  5. ¬†Thinking in Shades of Gray: Although this method might sound drab, the effects can be things on a range from 0 to 100. When things don’t work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete failure. See what you can learn from the situation.
  6.  The Survey Method: Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. For example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal and shameful, ask several friends if they ever felt nervous before they gave a talk.
  7. ¬†Define Terms: When you label yourself “inferior” or “a fool” or “a loser” ask, “What is¬† the definition of “a fool”? You will feel better when you see that there is no such thing as “a fool” or “a loser.”
  8. ¬†The Semantic Method: Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for “should statements.” Instead of tellling yourself I shouldn’t have made that mistake,” you can say, “It would be better if I hadn’t made that mistake.”
  9. Re-attribution: Instead of automatically assuming that you are “bad” and blaming yourself entirely for a problem, think about the many factors that may have contributed to it. Focus on solving the problem instead of using up all your energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty.
  10. Cost Benefit Analysis:¬† List the advantages and disadvantages of a feeling (like getting angry when your plane is late), a negative thought (like “No matter how hard I try, I always screw up”), or a behavior pattern (like overrating and lying around in bed when you’re depressed.) You can also use the Cost-Benefit Analysis to modify a self-defeating belief such as, “I must always try to be perfect.”

Mental Books & Movies..

  • Books ii love!!

Mimi Baird – He Wanted the Moon

Manic – Terry Cheney

The Dark Side of  Innocence РTerry Cheney

Girl, Interrupted – Susanna Kaysen

Stonehearst Asylum –¬† Kate Beckinsale

  • Movies ii love!!

Out of the Darkness – Starring Diana Ross

A Beautiful Mind – Kevin Spacey

Touched by Fire -Starring Katie Holmes

Girl, Interrupted – Susanna Kaysen

32 Pills РOn Demand  (Ruth Litoff)

Shutter Island – Leonardo DiCaprio

Inception – Leonardo Dicaprio

Infinitely Polar Bear – Zoe Saldana

Gothika – Halle Berry

 

 

The B in Bipolar

Diary Entry #6

The B in Bipolar stands for Being. At least in my world it does. I am constantly in a changing state of being of Becoming or Believing. Being present. Becoming better. Believing in my recovery.

I struggle with the voices in my head. I have learned that my feelings are not facts!! Call it the ego of the enemy, constantly trying to control my ability to do the right thing.

Mentally Speaking Diary #4

Today was my 1st day of intensive Outpatient Therapy. I had anxiety about going. The program has really changed for the better since 2013. My short term goal is to complete the program. Long term to get a part-time job. I’m in good spirit right now. So it’s one day at a time!! I’m excited to set some realistic goals for myself. I also plan to take better care of myself.

If there is a group therapy program in your area take advantage of it. You are NOT alone!!

Mental Speaking Diary #2

Madness-the drift of the rational into the irrational, the lucid to the delusional. Its not always easy to see it as it happens. At what point does joy become mania, sadness become depression, apprehension become anxiety, fear become phobia?

What do we talk about when we talk about mental illness?? There may be no important in the mental health field.

We are often afraid of people with mental illness, We fear their unpredictably and our inability to fully comprehend their illness. We fear what looks like volitional behavior.

Language doesn’t operate in a vacumm. It is both a shaper and a But language can help breal the cycle. Only ¬†when what happens will the people who suffers with disorders of the mind receive the compassion we so readily extend to those with disorders of the body.

When persons with mental illness do behave violently, it is often, although not always, for the same reasons that non-mentally people engage in violent behavior. One of the most insidious and heartbreaking results of stigma is that it discourages people from people from getting treatment.

Did you see Dark Phoenix?!

One word: Badass!!ūüíĮ If you love the Xmen franchise and Gene’s character you are going to loooove Gene’s backstory!!

The backstory on her life really sets the pace for the entire mutant saga. And I thought Logan was good??!! How can such a destructive, cataclysmic dark gift be wrapped in such a beautiful package?? The actress Sophia Turner played the mutant Gene Grey and she killt it!! aside from the fact that she was drop dead gorgeous and mesmerized you with those piercing brown eyes. I’m trying not to give too many spoilers way lol. So when you go see it come back and comment!! I just may go see this one again!!

ūüėćūüėćūüĒ•ūüĒ•ok!! on to my review..

If you’ve been following me for awhile you know that I am a storyline person. It doesn’t matter to me who the actors are…the storyline is what gets me and this one did not disappoint!! So it starts with the 8yr old Gene and how she came to be a part of Charles’s mutant family. From the very beginning Charles knew she was the most powerful of them all but he also knew her heart and he sometimes had to be the bad guy in order to keep her safe and from becoming her own worst enemy. How many of us Bipolar people have a really strong gift that’s also our biggest weakness?? For Gene it was: her mind. (Same here) What she saw as the bad part of herself, or the darkness inside her that she had to be rid of, was the one thing she needed to save the mutant race!!

Then after _?_ gets killed Magneto comes on the scene and all hell breaks loose!! Sorry I gotta leave it there. I don’t wanna ruin it.

But, its so worth it!!

150 min run time.

Stonehearst Asylum (Netflix)

Lol. I was doing a search on netflix mental illness movies as ran across this one. I guess I will label it suspense comedy?? Based on Edgar Allen Poe’s: Short Story Stonehearst Asylum about a recent medical school graduate brought in for clinical studies to offer hope and compassion to its residents. Dr. Newgate had good intentions but the longer he observes, the more secrets he uncovers. The movie is set in the late 1800s. Starring Kate Beckingsale from (The Underworld Series.) While the movie was funny to laugh at it, the story wasn’t too far from the truth of how the mentally ill and indifferent were treated in the 1800s. Disabled, homosexual, elderly etc. No one was exempt in those days. I don’t want to give too much away. But, if you can watch it until the end it will completely throw you off. Trust me. You will not see the climax coming!! I would recommend it if you are in the mood for some bipolar entertainment..

Hint hint: Think = Shutter Island..

However, it did have some interesting quotes:

“Death cannot be prevented any more than madness cured.”

“Of all the afflictions I think of none more cruel than madness. It robs a man of his reason, his dignity, his very soul. And it does so, so slowly, without the remorse of death.”

Girl, Interrupted – A Review

Woman, Interpreted

Entertainment Feature
Susanna Kaysen saw her troubled past re-created by Winona Ryder in Girl, Interrupted
By Sarah Saffian
Us, February 2000

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WHEN WINONA RYDER FINALLY MET Susanna Kaysen, the writer she would be playing in Girl, Interrupted, the movie star was very nearly speechless. “She said. ‘lt’s you … I’m you … you’re me… I’m me!'” recalls Kaysen, who wrote the best-selling 1993 memoir on which the film is based. Like the movie, the book begins in 1967 when Kaysen, then 18, was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder after she swallowed 50 aspirin. In the wake of this suicide attempt, Kaysen was whisked off to McLean Hospital, near Cambridge, Mass., where she spent two years in a ward for teenage girls. “Of course, I was sad and puzzled,” Kaysen writes. “I was 18, it was spring, and I was behind bars.”

But Kaysen wasn’t sure if she was insane or simply suffering from a bad case of late-teen angst, symptoms of which include a fragile self image, moodiness and uncertainty about the future. All in all, it’s a situation to which Ryder could relate. Six years ago, when the actress first read Kaysen’s book, she was reminded of a similar breakdown in her own late teens: After having chronic anxiety attacks, depression and insomnia, she checked herself into a psychiatric hospital for a week and began working with a therapist. The experience, though troubling, eventually helped Ryder bring depth and resonance to the character of Susanna.

“Winona’s own memory of what it’s like to feel alienation added gravity and a sense of purpose to her work in the film,” says Girl’s screenwriter-director James Mangold, 36. “Significant aspects of her personality‚Äďher sensitivity, the way she is so affected by things‚Äďfused well with aspects of Susanna’s. The movie is about who Winona is as much as it’s about who Susanna is.”

Still, Kaysen, now 51, was initially skeptical about the movie. When producer Douglas Wick approached the writer about buying the film rights to her memoir, “I thought he was crazy,” says Kaysen. “It’s not a narrative. It’s rather static and intellectual, and it has no obvious story line. How could they make a movie from this? I figured they would have to do radical things to it; otherwise, it’s just a bunch of girls sitting on the floor smoking cigarettes.”

Indeed, in adapting the book for the screen, Mangold decided to craft a cohesive, chronological narrative and to intensify the relationships between the characters. Most crucially, he fleshed out Susanna’s friendship with Lisa, a charismatic sociopath (played by Angelina Jolie) who serves as a symbol of rebellion and escape from the cares of the adult world. “In facing adulthood, Susanna can go two ways,” Mangold explains. “One is the way of the pod people in her parents world, marching off to war or college or family life; the other is Lisa’s way of seductive freedom.” Kaysen didn’t mind the changes. “If someone had told me what to do in my book, I would’ve killed thern,” she says. “But the movie is another endeavor, a variation on a theme. They can’t change what I wrote or my experiences in my life.”

Those experiences have been, by and large, internal. Kaysen has lived a fairly sedentary existence, as perhaps befits a writer. She has lived in Cambridge most of her life, including a brief stay on a commune. Although her father, Carl Kaysen, was an Ivy League economics professor, Kaysen resolutely avoided college, drifting instead from job to job, making a living as a copy editor and writing all the time. In 1987, she published her first novel, Asa, As I Knew Him, about a woman imagining her old flame’s youth, and followed it up with 1990’s Far AfieId, about an anthropologist doing research in the North Atlantic’s Faroe Islands. According to Kaysen the genesis of her memoir actually stemmed from her work on the latter novel: “There were paralels between being dropped into a foreign country and being dropped into the loony bin,” she says. These days, Kaysen still lives in Cambridge and suffers from depression, but says she has made peace with her demons, periodically seeing a psychologist, whom she calls her “tuneup woman.” She has also made peace with being alone. Although she was briefly married in her 20s, she has been single for most of her life. “I’ve been looking for a date for 10 years,” she admits, a fact that success hasn’t changed. “Fame, she says, “doesn’t bring a woman in America a date.”

SARAH SAFFIAN

http://www.saffian.com/womaninterpreted.htm

32 Pills: Suicide & Ruth Litoff

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Blown away!! The 1st two words I could think of to best describe my take on this riveting documentary about the life and suicide of Ruth Litoff told through the eyes of her sister Hope. The documentary was released in 2017 and is currently on HBO OnDemand. I had this on my watchlist for about a month and just decided to check it out last night. I was not prepared for the depth, tragedy, artistic expression¬† and passion of Ruth’s life. Now I’m not really an “art” person. But, check these out for yourself:

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Original art of Ruth Litoff via Goggle Images.

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Nice, right??!! Ruth was creative and artistic beyond description. There are tons of original pieces on Google and more information about her life and legacy. I did not want to start with the details of her suicide because she was much more than mentally ill. Her family and friends speak of her as complex, beautiful, secure within herself and much more. Although the documentary had a lot of nudity, it really captured the essence of who Ruth was. One of my favorite movies, Gia, about the life and death of Gia Carengi, one of the 1st American supermodels who contracted AIDS in the 80s, is very similar.

blog2Ruth & Hope in happier times.

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They should have been twins, right?? Adorable!!

Ruth literally wrote every detail, kept every medication, every picture, medical document in tons of storage containers in an effort to share her creativity and inner demons with her sister Hope. In certain scenes of the documentary Hope became obsessed with Ruth and it began to really affect her life and family in negative ways. To the point that Hope started drinking to cope with the pain and guilt of losing her sister.

Her “favorite person”… “Her everything.”

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Ruth kept pills from every prescription she ever had. Wow!!blog5

Hope putting the pieces together…

I was definitely in research mode after watching this!! There a lot of similarities between bipolar and BPD (bipolar personality disorder.) You may also want to check out Girl, Interrupted, the autobiography of¬† Susanna Kaisen. I know you remember the movie with Winona Ryder, Brittany Murphy and Angelina Jolie. Borderline people are toxic together. I would say Ruth was codependent and Hope was controlling. But, that’s just my opinion.

This blog entry was created to raise awareness of mental illness and its many dimensions. Let’s continue to share our stories with truth and transparency.

My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward

Mark Lukach writes his wife Guilia’s life story with so much love and compassionate you almost feel like he went through it with her. Their love story is definitely one for the ages and pushes the limits of “in sickness and in health” to the point of no return. It is a heart-wrenching yet hopeful marriage that is redefined by mental illness and affirms the power of love.

Mark and Guilia’s life together began as a fairytale romance. They fell in love at eighteen, got married at twenty-four, and started their dream life in San Francisco soon after. But when Guilia was twenty-seven, she suffered a terrifying and unexpected psychotic break that landed her in the psych ward for nearly a month. One day she was vibrant and well-adjusted, the next, she was delusional and suicidal, convinced that her loved ones were not safe. Years thereafter, she suffered two more breaks after the birth of their 1st child.

An exploration of the fragility of the mind and the tenacity of the human spirit is tried and tested in the fire. A true love story for any couple facing unexpected mental illness and the hard road to wellness and recovery. Lukach’s devotion to his wife and family knows no bounds.

Grab the tissues and get ready to be inspired!!

This Fragile Life (Review)

By Charlotte Pierce-Baker

What is the measure of a mother’s love? For many mothers we will go above and beyond to protect our children. But, Mrs. Baker’s patience and perseverance got her son Mark through the most difficult years of his life. Charlotte walks us through the turbulence of her son Mark’s¬†bipolar¬†illness and his struggles with alcohol and drug addiction. What I found so refreshing was that Mark was raised in a¬†loving, two-parent household. His parents were upper middle-class¬†citizens, highly-educated and very driven to give¬†their only child, Mark,¬†all the opportunities afforded an African American¬†man¬†in the 21st century.

Like¬†many¬†people who suffer from mental illness,¬†his childhood and teenage years were considered “growing pains”¬†and not taken too seriously. Mark excelled in academics and he proudly climbed the ranks to a promising young adult life filled with a prestigious college education and plans to start a family. But, like any illness that goes undiagnosed Mark¬†reached his breaking point and recovery became¬†an arduous uphill battle.¬†There aren’t many stories about mental illness and how it affects¬†black¬†families. I was very excited to read something that not only shed some light on mental illness in the black community, but also provided a plan for wellness that included the whole family. Mark was not alone!

This Fragile Life¬†was informative and¬†compelling. Kay Redfield Jamison, the author of An Unquiet Mind and professor of psychiatry, said, “Together, mother and son make clear that bipolar¬†illness is painful and often inexplicable to those who suffer from it, as well as to those who love them. But they also make¬†clear that there is much that can be done to help and¬† that one need not be alone in one’s suffering. This Fragile Life is an important book.”

 

 

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His strength is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

 

A Fractured Mind

afracturedmind“When I have a difficult decision to make I always convene an inner committee meeting I allow all parts of me to air opinions; that way I know that all of me owns the decision.” Anonymous

A Fractured Mind, tells the story of Robert B. Oxnam. A highly-intelligent, distinguished scholar with 11 personalities. This¬†was my first time reading a memoir on someone who struggles with Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as MPD).¬†I¬†was disappointed that I couldn’t finish¬†the book, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be beneficial to someone else. The reason I couldn’t read¬†it is because when I’m coming out of a manic episode, it’s hard for me to comprehend too many storylines all at once. But, I will do my best to share my thoughts in¬†a manner in which you (my audience) will understand.

I was four pages into Robert’s story when the above quote caught my attention and even though I wasn’t able to follow his story to the very end, it gave me a new respect for DID and what people¬†go through. Oxnam built his career on perseverance and competitive determination. While climbing the ranks of Asian Society his dedication and outer¬†persona was everything society trains us to be.¬†By 1984, his¬†life began to¬†unravel. He no longer had the passion to succeed and this¬†led to blocks of memory and fits of rage.

Fast forward to March of 1990, we meet Bob…

Robert is diagnosed with DID¬†by Dr. Smith, a renowned psychiatrist, who uses the method of integration to merge Robert’s personalities into one dominant individual.¬†“Bob” introduces himself as a sensitive, open-minded personality who seems to be very concerned with finding the solution to his elusive problem. Then we meet “Tommy.”¬†A¬†younger personality¬†that¬†comes across as defensive and very sarcastic.¬†I tried to get to a point where I could distinguish between the first two alters, but by Chapter 5 I was unable to focus and follow the succession of events that led to the other storylines.¬†So rather than trying to read¬†the story in a state of confusion, I decided to put it down and read something more similar to my own struggles.

So in the end, I decided to review the book anyway in hopes that it would shed some light for people who may be trying to discover the cause of the madness and inner conflict that results from this particular mental disorder. I was intrigued by the conflict that arose from each individual and the differences they added to the making of the author. If you have read this memoir please feel free to share your comments and insights for further discussion.

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His power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

The Quiet Room

thequietroomcover–¬†Excerpts from The Quiet Room by Lori Schiller

“As I look back on my childhood, one memory plagues me. It is the memory of the afternoon of the dog. I remember that when I was young my family had a medium-sized black mongrel. He was kept chained to a door. One day as I was in the kitchen with him I suddenly grew angry. In a burst of¬†rage, I grabbed a nearby golf club and began beating the dog furiously. After awhile he stopped moving. Dead. To this day I do not know why I did it. But there is one problem with this memory: It isn’t true. It never happened.¬†¬†

“Writing this book has been painful and exhilarating. It was painful to force myself to remember things that I would just as soon forget. But its been exhilarating to see how far I’ve come. Dr. Doller told me once when I was in the hospital that I could never go back. I could never again be the girl I was before that dark night at summer camp. Looking over my life, I know now that I don’t want to go back. I want to go ahead. I look forward to a future fulfilled with accomplishment, learning and the love of my family and friends. Many people helped me get to where I am now. Now it is my turn. Painful as it has been, I’ve written this book hoping that my story can help other people find their own ways out of darkness, I will know that I have not wasted the great gift I have been given: the chance to begin life again.”

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I started reading The Quiet Room on Friday Jan.27th, a cold and gloomy winter day. I had to fight the urge to read it all in one sitting. It’s like¬†each movie I’ve watched or book I’ve read has breathed new life¬†and meaning into my own fight for¬†sanity. I was so excited to read something that would take me deep into the world of schizophrenia.

The Quiet Room is written by Lori Schiller and Amanda Bennett. It gives readers a front-row seat into the life of Lori Schiller and¬†her¬†tumultuous road out of the darkness into recovery. Her story, narrated¬†from first person perspective, takes you into the minds of her family and friends¬†as they dealt with denial and finally acceptance while¬†helping her recovery.¬†Lori didn’t experience her first “voices” episode until she was 17 years old. She came from a loving, close-knit family and was the oldest of three children.

After reading Lori’s story, I am further convinced that mental illness is not always the result of a dysfunctional family or traumatic childhood. Every mental illness follows its own unpredictable path. Lori was going places. She was well on her way to fulfilling all her childhood dreams and making her parents proud. But, I have to wonder did Lori suffer from a classic case of overachievement? Did her obsession with¬†being the best finally push her over the edge? By 1989, at the age of 23, she had been in and out of dozens of psychiatric hospitals and she had tried dozens of stabilizing medications. It wasn’t until she was completely ready to get well did she accept her illness and cooperate with the help she needed.

The Quiet Room is a masterpiece from start to finish! It is a timeless tale of survival, courage and redemption meant to encourage people with even the most severest mental illness cases. If you or someone you know suffers from schizophrenia The Quiet Room is the book for you!

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His strength is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9